— notion.
 It has taken more than a half century for me to accumulate the practical experience that has produced my knowledge of ISMS.
 My first practical experience with ISMS was with baptISM.
 When a youngster, I wanted to know something about baptISM. So a fellow with whiskers took me down to the lake in the middle of the winter, and after he had taken my pants away from me he ducked me in the ice water. That was practical experience with baptISM. There was no theory about that.
 In a way I have accepted the benefits of baptISM, although I haven’t allowed any whiskerly fellow to take my pants away from me and duck me into the ice water of a lake since.
 Of course, baptISM has its subISMS. For instance, there is showerISM and tubISM, as well as the lakeISM. But I prefer showerISM, although I accept tubISM rather than go without baptISM.
 So now I get baptISM every morning as soon as I get out of bed. It isn’t quite as cold as it was when I was first ducked in the lake. But that practical experience was good for me. It helped to increase the size of my chest. It made me chesty.
 The next ISM I had anything to do with was osteISM.
 OsteISM is the ISM that keeps your bones from rattling. At least that is what the practitioners say. They don’t believe in che­mist­ISM. They say that’s the ISM that leads to the undertaker.
 So when I went to investigate osteISM a fellow with zygomatics told me to lay upon a slab. That fellow took my pants away from me, too.
 These ISMS create peculiar situations.
 When I got on the slab that osteist acted like a wild bull trying to break up my bones. He twisted me this way and bent me that way until he became exhausted.
 That was my practical experience in oste­ISM.
 Subsequently I decided to be my own osteist and twist and jolt my own bones until they worked properly.
 Now as soon as I get out of bed in the morning I take my own osteISM as well as my own baptISM and therefore I don’t have to pay any more fees nor dues for them. These ISMS have been reduced to a self service arrangement with me in which the cost has been cut down to a minimum.
 Therefore, I recommend that you folks take your own osteISM and baptISM every morning as soon as you crawl out of your beds if you want to live to be a hundred or two hundred years of age.
 In 1904 my book “Born Again” was published. Afterward a New York paper stated that the doctrine therein was SocialISM.
 Not knowing what SocialISM was, I decided to find out. So after searching about New York for awhile I discovered a room in the Bowery where a couple of fellows were smoking their pipes. I said to them, “I would like you to read this book and let me know if